Moving Forward

I took a little break from blogging.  When I first started blogging a couple years ago, it was for my own personal viewing. I kept it private for a long time.  It was my therapy.  My outlet.   As a stay at home mom, it's easy to forget who you are besides "mom".  And this blog serves a huge purpose for me to stay in touch with all the little parts of me.  This has become my place in the universe to dump my thoughts, my recipes, my love for music & my randomness. I love blogging. But when you see that people are starting to read everything you've put out there, it gets a little intimidating. 

I am a true Gemini.  A walking contradiction.  One minute I'm an open book, the next I am reverting back into my shell.  So my rule is to blog when I'm loving it, and to take a break when it starts freaking me out. 

Life took another tragic turn for our family.  In August, Allen's Dad died suddenly of a heart attack.  It was a complete shock to us.  We had dinner with him the night before.  We sat at the restaurant and talked for a long time.  Allen sat by his Dad and Garrett sat on the other side of him.  Scottie cut Garrett's dinner up for him.  I'm thankful for that last dinner together with Scottie.  It was completely unplanned and spur of the moment.  I believe this is a perfect example of God working in our lives.  That unplanned last dinner with Scottie was a gift.

The next day we got a call from the Chaplain at the hospital, telling us to come fast.  He wouldn't tell us any details over the phone.  I drove Allen's Grandma {Scottie's Mom} to the hospital & I knew in my heart that our lives would be different on our drive back home. 

It is so hard to wrap my head around all the loss Allen & I have suffered together.  In five short years, we've lost both our Fathers and Allen's best friend, Justin.  I've had to tell Sydney twice that a Grandpa has died.  As a Mother, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  Looking at their sweet, innocent faces and knowing that what I'm about to say will change them forever. 

Our future flashed before my eyes after saying my last good bye to Scottie.  My babies don't have Grandpas.  Our Mother's are both widows.  Allen & I are both broken and so are our entire families.  How do we make sure our children have a firm foundation to grow on when everyone is broken?   I know Allen has a long, hard road ahead of him.  I want to help him, but I know all I can do is just be here for him.  Here to listen.  Here to hug.  Here to cry.  Here to pick up the slack when he can't muster the strength.  But grief is a private battle within your soul. 

At the end of a dark & tragic turn in life, there is always the opportunity for enlightenment.  Once you are faced with the reality that our time here on this earth can end suddenly, you are forced to evaluate the path you've chosen.  And once you decide the right path, it is time to move forward...one baby step at a time. 

Scottie & Garrett tilling our family garden.

Allen chose the perfect song to play at his Dad's funeral service. 

Dan Auerbach ~ "Goin Home"