Today is Sydney's first day of all day Kindergarten. She could not be more thrilled! She is so excited to be in the big building (pre-k was in a pre-fab building next to the big building), so excited to eat in the cafeteria, so excited to have gym class and music class. So many firsts for her. And I am thrilled that she is thrilled. Not all kids are so ready and enthusiastic about venturing out into the unknown. I, on the other hand, am struggling today.
I did not expect to be this emotional. And I was fine. Until Garrett and I got back into the car and drove away, and he asked one simple question "where's Sister?" This sent me into an emotional tail spin. Reality has sunk in for me. It feels like I am closing the first chapter on my life with Sydney. And I have adored the first chapter.
When I had that sweet girl on September 1, 2004, I knew I was forever changed. Everything I ever thought I wanted to be or do in life drifted away. I fell in love with her and in love with Motherhood. I knew immediately that I had to be the one to take care of her. For me, it was the only answer. For me, there was no other way. Daycare was not an option.
So began a new life for me. A life of daily games of peek-a-boo, messy lunches, poopy diapers and not much grown up interaction. And I loved every minute of it. Then came the toddler days. Oh these days were so fun! Suddenly I found myself spending all my time with a little person who could carry on a conversation with me! So our days were filled with trips to the mall, lunches out together, tons of zoo trips and princess movies. Oh how I loved the princess days. I fear they are on their way out soon. We would watch a different princess movie every afternoon. Next came the pre-school days. A baby step into the real world. She succeeded with flying colors. I did pretty well myself. These days brought on new challenges, though. Such as, her now having just as many opinions as me and very good at voicing them. All that work I did teaching independence and decision making was now back firing on me! Pre-school days also brought new ideas into her mind, some new behavior learned from kids at school (not so great) and proved to me what I great job I had done so far.
This brings us to today. She was ready for Kindergarten. She's seemed a little bored lately. In a little bit of a funk. I think school is just what she needs right now. However, I am dealing with the sadness of closing that first chapter of our Mother-Daughter relationship.
I am grateful for these almost 6 years at home with her. I know I will probably look back at these days as the best days of my life. She and I have been through so much together. So much fun and some sadness. I am grateful to have a daughter. There's something special between us. We are so much alike and definitely going to butt heads when she's a teenager. (poor Allen) But my girl is the perfect combination of strong, but sweet. Smart, but humble. Polite, but not a pushover. I think she's pretty amazing. And she can do anything she wants in life.
So for the next chapter. I'm feeling the pressure to let go and loosen the slack a little. Perfect example: I had an adorable outfit picked out for her first day of school. She had another outfit in mind. The clearanced $3.00 flamingo tank top she picked out at Target. I wanted the first day of school pictures to be...well, picture perfect. But she made a valid point. She said "it's MY first day of Kindergarten." And she was right. So she wore her flamingo tank top, pink skirt and no bows or headband in her hair. She's a smart girl. Guess the good news is, she was listening all those times I told her to speak her mind, stand up to people and be a decision maker. I just didn't realize she was going to use that advice on ME! :)
I cried off and on for four hours today. Totally not kidding. And I'm not even a cryer! And when I say cry, I mean the ugly face, sobbing out loud cry. Just being honest. Luckily, Garrett is a little man and I think he was oblivious to all of it! So I cried it out, and now I got it all off my chest here. I'm going to pull myself together. No more crying. I've taken full advantage of these almost 6 years with my girl. I've been here for everything. I've taught her all the important things so far. I put band aids on the boo boos, I cleaned the poop and the spills, I snuggled, I tickled, I watched Snow White and Monster's Inc., I played Barbies, I took her to the zoo, water park and playground. I've been here for her when she was sick. I've been exactly the Mom I set out to be. I haven't been perfect, but I've been present. And now I can confidently send her out into the world, knowing I have no regrets. And knowing I will be sitting in front of that school picking her up every day. Coming home and hearing about how school was.
Garrett and I spent our first day of all day Kindergarten baking cookies, making homemade cards & decorating the kitchen table. We are throwing a surprise "happy first day of Kindergarten" party for Sydney when she gets home. Just the three of us.
So, ready or not, the next chapter is beginning.
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